ACT Youth Network
ACT for Youth
for youth from all over New York's about us and it's about time
  home > romantic relationships > feeling chemistry? > is it "real" love?

feeling chemistry?

Having a great relationship doesn't always come naturally. Partners keep love alive by learning to use good communication skills and conflict management skills. Instead of killing their love with negative interactions, they can deal with the problems, differences, and issues that all couples have.
Fact of Love #2
The Three Sides of Love

Passion: the chemistry and attraction that draws you to someone

Intimacy: the connection of friendship: talking, sharing, knowing, honesty, and fun

Commitment: healthy giving, faithfulness; a healthy "us"

- Robert Sternberg's
"Triangular Theory of Love"

Is It "Real" Love?

What YOU need to know about love -- real love, that is.

Real love takes time to develop out of the early love chemicals. That chemistry you feel at the start could be the first step of love, but it isn't love yet. And maybe you are the only one feeling it!

For many couples who grow into love, the electric chemistry that marks the early part of the relationship eventually calms into a closer and more committed relationship.

So the chemistry doesn't last? What a bummer!

Wait a minute! It's true those tingly feelings at the start will go up and down in a relationship over time. Nothing stays the same in life.

On average the hot, high-pitched, tingly passionate feelings last anywhere from one to three years. That's the time of effortless passion.

After that, couples must work a little harder to maintain those feelings and a great relationship.

They should make special efforts to keep connected and close through physical affection, fun, friendship, and healthy giving to each other.

So, what's the purpose of the early hot chemistry?

That early hot period of passion helps us bond deeply with another. The love behaviors we engage in towards our partner during the early period are good ones that help cement our connection.

Think about it: at the start, partners are kind, attentive, and gentle with each other. They make time to play, talk, and spend real quality time with each other. It's a good idea for couples to make an effort to continue these early behaviors, instead of taking each other for granted once the relationship is more comfortable.

Making love last

With real love, partners must work to maintain their passion by maintaining their friendship -- having fun, doing things together, talking, sharing with each other, and staying faithful.
Copyright © 2024 ACT for Youth Center for Community Action. All rights reserved.
Website by RMF Designs