making a great relationship
Love tip: Play the question game!
This game can be fun, because you can do it in person, text, or IM. Start asking each other silly questions like:
- Would you rather have a tail or horns?
- Would you rather have to go a year without tasting your food or seeing it?
These types of questions don't seem too "deep" but can spark good conversations...and a good laugh as well!
Words of Wisdom
Discovering differences is inevitable. Maybe you are a live-wire and your partner is more laid back. Or you are punctual and a planner, whereas your partner is always late and a spontaneous go-with-the-flow type. Ask yourself: will these differences help both of you balance your extremes? Can you appreciate the good parts of the differences between you? All partners have to ask this or they will be in for endless frustration as they keep trying to make their partner "just like me." But know your bottom line! Differences that violate your basic values you shouldn't accept. It's not worth it.
Do Opposites Attract?
Oil and Water? Or Peanut Butter and Jelly?
It's true! Similarities and differences
attract two people to each other. It might be boring if you hitched up with someone exactly like you!
Differences can make life interesting. They can expand you and even help make you a better person. But it all depends on a few important questions. Some differences can spell trouble. Some differences make a relationship more challenging. But other opposites can be good.
Things to consider: Which are good? Spell trouble? Present challenges?
Our values are out of sync.
My partner has differences I find interesting.
- If you answered yes, you're likely to have a miserable relationship. Your values are a core part of who you are. If a partner disrespects your values, they are disrespecting you -- it spells trouble!
- Learn about each other. It's a great reason to follow the 3-6-9 Rule! Check out each other's values -- does she or he have a moral conscience? What about values concerning responsibility, how they treat people; or concerning drugs, alcohol, sex, priorities in life? What about religious or spiritual values?
Our different strengths help each other.
- If you answered yes to this question, AND you can also answer yes to the question "He or she appreciates my strengths and differences," this is good. If the differences expand each other it's a very good sign.
- If you both enjoy introducing each other to your interests, how fun is that!
We come from very different backgrounds (ethnic, racial, country, economic class, religious, family).
- If your partner's strengths complement you, help make you a better person, help expand you, or temper your extremes, that may be good.
- But if his or her strengths make you feel inferior, watch out! Trouble lies ahead!
- It is true that partners who come from different backgrounds have more challenges. At first, cultural differences can seem exotic and exciting -- it may be exciting to be with a person with a different everything. But as the love chemicals settle you may discover you have very different ideas about life -- from the littlest to the biggest things. It can be anything from role expectations for men and women, to rituals and traditions, to dreams and priorities, to religion and lifestyle or family goals. You may discover you don't think alike on anything.
- If you are falling in love with someone who is culturally very different from you, know that it can be a wonderful relationship. However, you both have a lot more examination and soul-searching to do than the typical couple coming from similar backgrounds. It is especially important to take your time to discover more about each other, each other's backgrounds, families, and culture. Talk about your vision for the future.
- Learn about the love chemicals that can lead you to hasty choices. Remember the 3-6-9 Rule.