breaking up
Fact of Love #10
Safety First!
If you are afraid in any way or if the person refuses to accept it's over, don't do it alone. If the person threatens you, or threatens to harm him or herself if you break up, get support NOW. You need a strategy that will keep you safe. Call the National Teen Dating Violence Hotline at 1-866-331-9474 or www.loveisrespect.org. Talk to a trusted adult.
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How to Break Up
Ever seen or heard about break-ups that go something like this? Someone:
- Cheats with your best friend
- Texts to say it's over...
- Changes Facebook status...
- Just ignores a person like they never existed
- Provokes a fight or tries to make their partner jealous so they'll break up
- Has someone else tell them it's over
- Says, "I want to just be friends," but still wants to hook up sometimes
Ouch...that doesn't feel good. Hey, it's never fun, but there are better ways to break up with someone. It takes honesty and courage and you don't have to be mean.
Tips on Breaking Up
- Talk to a wise and trusted older person, not a friend who encourages drama! Go over the reasons. Be clear in your head, first.
- If it's over, it's over. Do not put off, avoid, or beat around the bush. Pick a time and a place. Do it in person.
- Don't give false hopes. To say, "I'd just like to be friends," or worse, continue to hook up and have sex, is leading the person on. The person who is being dumped will often grab at any hope. It's not fair. You'd be a user. Your ex needs to start the process of mending and moving on -- not entertaining false hopes. Being friends might be possible down the road, but most people need some space to mend.
- Be honest and direct, but not cruel. Say, "It's over. It really is." Maybe, "I don't have feelings like that for you." Or, "I don't want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend anymore." Don't let him or her talk you into why you should be with him or her. But don't be cruel. You can change and go different ways without tearing someone down.
- If your partner violated your trust or your values, you can say so. If there are serious problem behaviors you can say so. State it simply and clearly and don't get into drama. Don't drag out the conversation.
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